Tips for Parents

• Studies have shown the following:
  • Although stressful, conflict is beneficial for children.
  • Learning to manage conflict is essential for a child’s development.
  • Conflicts during the preschool years occur because children desire even more attention than parents can or should give.
• If you understand why conflict occurs and the lessons it can impart, it can minimize the clashes between you and your children. Conflict is a child’s attempt to develop a sense of self and how he or she learns to express needs and ideas. Parents nurture and drive this independence by exposing children to the outside world both formally and informally.
• Conflict can stem from a difference of opinion or might just be a way to blow off steam. A child could be trying to reclaim some control when his or her environment (either at home or in school) feels too demanding. In rare instances, constant conflict between a parent and child can indicate a deeper emotional problem. Consult your pediatrician if this seems to be your situation.
• It is important to offer your child choices, which should be determined by age and developmental level. The more responsible a child is, the more choices he or she gets in reward. You can threaten your child with punishment, but often offering a choice will better defuse angry situations. Consequences and rewards should have some meaning to your child.
• Often a child’s adverse behavior is ignited when he or she hears the word “no.” Parents can avoid this by stating refusals and giving explanations to a child's requests. If you say "yes" and follow with the rule or conditions, you evade the harshness of the word "no.” For example, saying "Yes, you can go outside, after you finish your homework" gives you an opportunity to remind your child of your rules. Your child can focus on a future "yes," rather than this moment’s “no.” Similarly, "never" and "always" are argument-escalating words. Avoid using them. Teach your child not to use escalating words, too. It might not eradicate conflict, but it will keep a discussion focused and limit emotional explosions. Also, keep the following in mind:
  
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